Forgiveness Re-Examined

I've always liked this story and feel like I'm going to give forgiveness one more try. But first, the story, then my thoughts.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried pitifully for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

Now, to my thoughts. I try to put a time goal on trying to forgive my Mom and her family for what they all did. Most of me knows it's a much better idea to say fuck them all and move on. I'm making my own family. WITHOUT THEM. But there's that part of me that is sickeningly kindhearted and needs to keep the peace. I want to forgive them, but if I ever associate with them again, I will develop an irrational fear of being touched. So, am I willing to give up my sanity that I try so hard to keep as it is, just to keep the peace with people who don't see the world as I do, as a whole, that there is more to all of this than their greedy selves? Probably not. I think I'm done this time. I'm pretty sure it's over. Will I attend funerals? Yes. Will I cry? I don't know, actually. They feel dead to me as it is, I don't think it'll be much more than a little shock... if I cried, it'd be happy tears of final release. I don't like any of them right now. Cherryl and Carl always side with my mother and suffer if they don't. Same goes for my Grandparents. Might as well be the same for my Aunt Litza but they're kind of the same. Debra... failed faster than I did with starting college because she didn't listen to me. At all. Jennifer is still the little whore that she always will be. Deanna is a confused and sexual person that is in love with her homophobic best friend. The only three that I'm not sure of are Todd, Nathaniel and Cynthia. They're the only ones who keep silence. It's strange. And sad. I hope the best for them, but I doubt Cynthia will be much different from the rest of her family, sad as it sounds. Hopefully Nathaniel is losing more weight and becoming healthier and more productive. I hope Todd is smarter about his after high school plans and leaves far away to make his own life. I hope to run into him again on a bittersweet note. I hope all of the adults die soon from their drug, alcohol and depression problems. They're better off and the world is better off without filth like them. Will I ever forgive them for their shunning? I don't fucking think so.

Nails, claws, fashion.

 "You put water in a bowl and drop random colors of nailpolish in it. then you stir it with a toothpick and put petroleum jelly on your fingers, so that the nail polish only gets on your nails. then you stick your fingers in the bowl."





 






"Definitely something worth trying for a sophisticated look without going all Goth."

  




"A very pretty finish for  a bride's nails or just a good look with your pearls and diamonds."

  



"Totally buying some of these for an easy wait to get that french manicure for the price of your favorite bottle of  polish."

"I've always wanted this fade-transition for my nails. Now I know the dirty little secret."

Whiskey Caramel Marshmallow Bacon Bark

16 oz of semi-sweet chocolate
4 cups of mini marshmallows
1/4 cup whiskey

1 cup caramel (recipe follows)
8-10 slices spiced bacon crumble (recipe follows)

1) Place chocolate in a bain marie or in a heat-proof bowl above simmering water. Heat on low until chocolate is melted. Pour half of melted chocolate into parchement-lined pan. Then using an offset spatula, spread chocolate until smooth. Transfer pan to freezer to chill for about 5 minutes or until melted chocolate becomes solid.

2) Place marshmallows in a large saucepan and heat until marshmallows starts to just melt and forms web-like strands when stirred. (See picture). Remove from heat and add in 5 tablespoons of whiskey; stir to combine. Spread marshmallow mixture over solid chocolate layer. (To easily spread the marshmallow to an even layer, spray offset spatula with non-stick spray.)

3) Pour caramel on top of marshmallow layer. Then, using an offset spatula, spread caramel until smooth. Transfer pan to freezer to chill for about 5 minutes or until caramel becomes slightly hardened. Pour remaining half of chocolate over caramel layer and, using an offset spatula, spread chocolate until smooth. Sprinkle and gently press bacon crumble into chocolate, Return fully assembled bark to refrigerator to chill for 20 minutes or until bark becomes solid. Bring bark to almost room temperature before cutting.

BACON CRUMBLE:
8-10 slices bacon
1/4 cup sugar
4 tablespoon water
1 egg white
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/8 teaspoon cayenne

1) Cook bacon and set aside to cool completely. Once cooled, coarsely crumble bacon with hand; set aside and heat oven to 300 degrees F.

2) Place sugar and water in a pot and heat until sugar is dissolved. Toss crumbled bacon in sugar syrup to coat. Pass coated bacon through a strainer to drain excess sugar syrup.

3) Add egg white to a bowl and beat until fluffy and foamy. Add in black pepper and cayenne. Whisk to combine. Add in crumbled bacon and toss to coat.

4) Spread coated, crumbled bacon on a parchment lined baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool, then crumble bacon one last time.

CARAMEL FILLING:
1 cup sugar
4 tablespoons water
4 tablespoon butter
7 tablespoon heavy cream

Add sugar and water into a saucepan over medium low heat. Stir until sugar has dissolved. Use a wet brush to remove any crystals that form on the side. Once sugar has dissolved increase heat to high. Now and then, using the handle, give the pot a swirl to keep the mixture moving. Do not stir the mixture directly. The mixture will start to bubble after a minute. As the mixture darkens to a medium amber color, approximately 5-7 minutes, add the butter and heavy cream to saucepan. The mixture will bubble wildly. Whisk to combine (bubbles will subside upon cooling). Set aside to cool completely.

Makes 1 8×8 pan | Preparation: Line pan with parchment or wax paper with a one-inch overhang on each side.

Autumn Brittle

1 cup almonds
1 cup cashews
3/4 cup pumpkin seeds

2/3 cup dried cranberries
2 1/4 cups sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup honey
1 cup water
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tbsp. butter

1) Heat the sugars, honey, water and salt in a large pot over a low-medium flame. Use a pot that is larger than you would think necessary because when the mixture begins to boil it will foam up and increase in size. Stir every five minutes or so. Using a candy thermometer, continue to heat the mixture until it reaches a temperature of exactly 302 degrees Fahrenheit. This is very important because this is the temperature at which sugar hardens into a rock-like state after it cools. Pay close attention not to go very far above 302, otherwise you will burn the sugar. It can take up to an hour for the mixture to reach that high of a temperature, so don't get too worried if 15 minutes go by and the thermometer is still at 175.

2) While the sugar mixture is boiling, place a sheet of parchment paper on top of a shallow pan, about 9 x 13 inches in width and length, and grease the parchment paper. Set aside. Once the sugar mixture reaches 302, immediately remove it from heat and stir in the butter, cashews, almonds, pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries until they're coated in the mixture.

3) Immediately pour the mixture onto the parchment paper and spread it out into a large rectangle using a rubber spatula. Try to keep the surface relatively even and about 1 inch in height. Place the pan in the refrigerator and allow the brittle to cool for one hour.

4) Once it has finished cooling, remove the sheet of brittle from the parchment paper and break the brittle into pieces using a meat tenderizer or clean hammer. Arrange the pieces on a serving platter and serve. Store excess brittle in a cool dry place.

Country Fried Peach Pies

Ingredients:
2-¼ cups All-purpose Flour

1 teaspoon Salt
½ cups Lard Or Shortening
½ cups Milk (more Or Less)
1 can Peach Pie Filling (Or Other Fruit), 21 Ounce Can
1 cup Oil, For Frying
1 whole Egg, Beaten With A Splash Of Water

Directions:
To make the crust: Mix together flour and salt with a whisk. Cut in the lard using a pastry cutter until the mixture looks crumbly. Mix in the milk until a ball of dough is formed.

On a floured surface, roll out the dough to 1/8″ thick.

Using a salad bowl or something else about 6 ” in diameter, cut out as many discs of dough as you can.

To make pies: Spoon a large dollop of pie filling into each disc, leaving about an inch of dough all the way around.

Brush the edges with egg wash and fold dough over. Seal the edges with a fork and poke a hole in the middle of the pie so it can vent.

Heat oil in a large skillet. When oil is hot (you’ll know when a drop of water of dough sizzles), fry each pie until both sides are golden brown, about 2-3 minutes per side. Drain on paper towels.

Serve hot, cold, or room temperature and enjoy!

Rainbow Jell-O Cups

Directions:
You’ll need one small box of jello for each color you want… so in this case, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. And one large tub of cool whip.

Prepare purple (or whatever color you want on the bottom) jello as directed, using the “quick chill” method, meaning add some ice. Pour jello into glasses, (or a 9′x13′ baking dish sprayed lightly with cooking spray), reserving about 1/3 of the liquid jello. Put glasses, or dish in the refrigerator and chill for 15-30 minutes, or until slightly set. Mix about 1/3 cup of cool whip into the remaining purple jello. Pour the jello/cool whip mixture on top of the slightly set purple jello already in the glasses (or dish).

Repeat process for each color.

I’ve seen recipes that use sour cream, or yogurt in place of the cool whip, so feel free to do that if it saves you a trip to the store.

Once set, top with some additional cool whip and sprinkles if desired.

Opera and Sunshine

I've recently lapsed out of depression a little more by pushing myself out of my "safe zones". I went to watch an opera workshop and it was quite an experience. I've listened before, obviously, but to be there is something different altogether. Two days ago, it was raining but I went for a walk all on my own for the first time in ages. Not only did I just leave, but I just kept walking... for 4.5 miles. crazy. The next day I asked a friend to give me a random workout. I'll try to do this from now on. Yesterday was jumpingjacks. Today is situps. (I'll do more later) and tomorrow is to yet be decided. I feel better being out in public with my friends. People I know. I don't feel alone... I'm alright in the woods on my own apparently. I did fine on that walk until I hit "civilization". Oh god, am I becoming a hermit like my mother? No. No. No. I love company. That makes me different. I love company, hosting get togethers, cooking, so on... I am completely different, thank you very much. I notice that I write my blogs in a sense like I'm talking to myself. It's very interesting. Someday, I can come back and read all this... probably thinking "wow, I was a real basketcase back then". Maybe I still will be. :)