Constant reminder why I love you hovering over my head,
Why I can't stop watching you, why I'll never leave your bed
You're made for me as much as I, for you and anyone else who thinks different
Is a damn fool.
I hate rhyming, but every time I start a poem it's become natural
I can't keep from doing anything else because it's so habitual.
Okay okay, I'll stop.
This is supposed to be me telling you about my feelings toward you or something like that
I was actually reminded of when we first fell in love and all
I think it was more of a big deal when I learned you loved my cat.
Fuck!
End of poem. Yay.
I was reminded of when I first met Nathan. We were together with friends, bowling, and I didn't really think he was that interesting at first. I thought he was a stuck up guy that was probably a dick if I ever got to know him. I wasn't far off. Hehehe, he's perfect. A bit of a romantic at heart, sometimes. Like that time up on that ridge over looking La Crosse from La Crescent. Then he wrapped his arms around me while I looked at the night scene. We weren't dating yet. Ho no.
Then we'd been seeing each other and talking about anything and everything and my god, that man can get anything out of me. I'll sit there and debate if I want to tell him and he doesn't have to say a word because he just Knows that I'll tell him. Yeah, sometimes he does that whole thing where I'm about to tell him something and he says it before I get a chance to open my yap. Pisses me off beyond reason, but I contently love that about him.
I love when he isn't paying attention and he'll stare at whatever he's focusing on and if I watch him long enough, he'll glance over and be unable to suppress that goofy grin. I know everything that makes him smile. One person who never fails to make me laugh or smile, is that one, right there.
I love when he sleeps... he has a distinct snore... at first I didn't know he snored... then I began to feel it... now I get irritated if he isn't snoring. It's like that constant noise that a baby needs to go to sleep or keep calm. Haha. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I don't appreciate him breathing down my neck while he snores because it tickles, so I poke his lip and he sucks it in. hehehe
I love cooking for him even though he usually ends up taking over with a lot of it. Doesn't bother me any. I don't quite know how to grill yet. I think he secretly enjoys feeding me. :)
I remember when we were hanging out in his truck in front of my old house, like we did countless times, and I was laying on his lap, biting my lip, wondering if I should tell him that I have feelings for him. It should've been obvious that we both did. We acted like we were dating and he said before that he didn't feel the need to rush anything. He even didn't mind being the fuck buddy. haha.
I have butterflies in my stomach a little from remembering this moment that we decided, "hey, I like you... do you like me? because we kinda pretty much act like we're an item so... why don't we put one of those label things on it?" It was a stupid corny conversation like that and we just agreed to be together from then on. It was 10/11/2011, sometime in the late PM hours.
I find myself to be a truthful person for the most part. I just hate the idea of lying or being lied to. I feel like my life has been a big fat lie since the one person that has been there the longest broke her 20 year old promise. 20 year old lie, is what it was. Now I find myself remembering things that I lied to other people about, and I tell him, instead. Things other people don't know about me. This man, literally, knows me. Even shit my mother never knew, my best friend now and before knew, my brother and cousins, all of the people I know, put together-- he knows more than all of them. And I feel that having that feeling is the most important feeling in the world and the biggest indicator that this is it. He's the one. There is no and will never be no other. I will literally die from a broken heart if this fails. He knows that and assures me that it will never be like that. No broken hearts. Never.
He's on a mission to reconstruct my heart and mind to 100% and he's doing fantastic. I love him for that. For all of it. He is the most fantastic person and best friend I've ever had.
I have been lacking in faith as of late and this entire blog, I went without overpowering emotion, but knowing that it's true... if you want it bad enough, you're gonna get it. I wanted this more than anything in the world. He is perfect to me. I cannot imagine life without him in it. I just can't. Won't. Simply don't Want to because... fuck you.
Potato.
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