It seems to be a trend in my life where, people leave... I replace them... kind of... not really. Three people that I'm terrified will leave me and one already has. The other two promise they never will... and I only believe one of them. I've never had close friends. I'm not even sure why I don't focus a whole lot on friendships. I just don't. People irritate me too easily unless they're just... I don't know... Maybe, I'm jealous? I know that much. I was jealous when my Mom started dating Gary in the first place. Now look where that is. I'm jealous that my best friend is... well... best friends with someone else now. Soon... she'll have more people to keep her occupied and won't need me much at all.
I think about moving a lot. I want to move again. I want to start over, kind of. I'm looking for that next dead drop that has all of the information I'm looking for in it. Ugh. Yes, this is a piss and moan entry. Do I give a fuck? Um... wait, I see it... there it--nope, it's gone now.
I hate depression.
Even more... I hate being a depressed introvert. Loneliest fucking type of person, take it from me. If I didn't have Nathan, quite honestly, I would either be in a different country like I planned before by now. Only because I don't care for the idea of taking my life. What the hell was the point of me whining on a daily basis, if I'm gonna do that shit?
I just want my life back. I almost had it... almost... I kinda have it... kinda...
Maybe I need to get out more.
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