Curing Suicide

Sounds like an oxymoron: "curing suicide". I know, battling depression for as long as I have, and at such a young age, it's taken a lot of willpower to keep my eyes open. I've been wanting to die for years now, and to this day, I still feel like ending life as I know it for the selfish reason that I feel like there's no more in my life. I've lost a lot, I've tried and failed at so many things. People... I fucking hate people sometimes. Suicide is a way to get attention. People who say that shit make people like me not tell others the truth. I don't know how many doctors or people I love that I have lied to because I don't want attention. I hate being center of attention. That's why I don't talk much in groups. Then, there are the people who say there's always someone worse off than you. Who gives a fuck? I don't go around undermining your fucking problems with my own, so let me deal with my own. I'm not even talking to anyone directly, just saying, in general, that I fucking hate people sometimes. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite, saying I hate when people do this and that, when I've said it to people myself. But I feel like shit after I do because I know they don't want to hear that. I know I wouldn't. I want to know the cure to suicide. Suicide isn't just the act of taking your own life. It's the entire process of life deteriorating before your own eyes, the breaking down and demoralizing of your own self-image. The loss of willpower to keep up. Finally, you fall behind. You give in to the darkness, where you lack feelings. You eventually lose the ability to cry. You can't move your face to make an expression other than pain and the occasional automatic blinking. Sometimes you just don't want to be alive and don't have the energy to off yourself so you just fucking sleep all the time. It is what it is. I have my own personal cure now. It's kept me alive for years and I've achieved so much. I remember the good in my life. There ARE happy memories. There IS good in everyone. I'm a natuaral optimist who has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I'm also HOH (hard-of-hearing) and possibly ADD. I'm homeless, jobless after being fired a month ago, I don't have a relationship with either of my divorced parents, and I am having a fucking fun time getting foodstamps and disability insurance, if not income. That about sums the ongoing shit in my life. I also have a loving best friend who, along with her amazing family, opened their doors to me and welcome me to their home. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me with no bounds and his family, too, has opened their doors to me. I may not have my own biological family to talk to all the time because I pretty much hate the fucking majority of them, but I have some of them left. That, and I have all these amazing people that I keep in my heart forever. I do what I can for them. Someday, I'll be all better. Someday, I can look back on these days and be thankful for the help I got from all these people. Still confused on how you cure suicide. You know your cure if you're reading this whether you know it or not. Blessed are those who never had to or ever have to suffer. Blessed are those who fight and win. I wish I could speak for those who lost their battles but only God knows why.